Saturday, July 23, 2005

A Slob's Life

Harry Potter
I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. For this reason, when the new one came out, it did not affect my life at all ... until I was forced into "the Harry Potter World" by a boy of about 10.
The story you are about to read is true, only the character names have been omitted to protect the innocent that have not yet finished reading the book (and because I don't know any characters from Harry Potter so I have no idea what names this kid said anyway).
SCENE
I was waiting at the checkout desk at the library, when I heard a voice beside me ...
BOY: Hello.
When I turned to the boy, he was looking away, which made me uncomfortable and uncertain whether or not he was actually speaking to me, so did not acknowledge his "Hello."
BOY: I finished the new Harry Potter book.
DAN: Oh yeah?
BOY: (Nods his head) [Character 1] dies.
DAN: Uh, really?
BOY: Yeah, [Character 2] kills him.
DAN: You know, I've never actually read any of the Harry Potter books.
BOY: You are weird ...
The End.

Jug O Juice
Yesterday, after Eddie got off work, he and I took a picnic of Burger King cheeseburgers, and a big ol jug o Tops' Orange Flavored "Drink," down to the beach. It was hilarious. Eddie and I looked like total slobs, sitting on the beach with burger king and synthetic juice, listening to the Indians game on the portable radio we brought down. We then made a half-assed attempt at wading in the Lake and looked totally ridiculous.

The Spits
Last night I saw a band called the Spits. They were AWESOME. They had costumes (including one Robot costume made out of silver spray-painted cardboard), onstage fireworks, and synthesized robotic noises. They claim their influences to be the Ramones, Devo, and alchohol.

3 Comments:

Blogger Francesca said...

dan,
hello. a few things:
a) i would have punched that kid right in the mouth and not have felt bad about it at all. not only did he tell you who dies (which isn't too hard to figure out) he told you who done it, and that's really the gasp worthy part. jerk.
b) that cat is hil-arious! such a big advocate of cats drinking beer and watching tv.
c) i'm very very confused. are eddie your brother and eddie your friend two different people? please help me.
that's it.

Monday, July 25, 2005 8:08:00 AM  
Blogger Mailman Dan said...

No no, one and the same Eddie. Brother and friend. If your wondering because of that crazy picture I posted of him, it's because he has tape all over his face ... and looks like Howdy Doody.

Monday, July 25, 2005 9:35:00 AM  
Blogger Francesca said...

i actually asked about eddie because when i mentioned the harry potter picture, he didn't know what i was talking about.
i'm not afraid of you. however, i am afraid of froggy you. weirder still, despite my absolute horror at the presence of a mascot, i always wanted to be one. it's very hard to be such a bundle of contradictions.

Monday, July 25, 2005 10:00:00 AM  

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